


Maybe That's Why

by RhianthiAlritak



Category: Good Omens (TV), Good Omens - Neil Gaiman & Terry Pratchett
Genre: Ableism, And working through some stuff, Author is disabled, Autistic Aziraphale (Good Omens), Autistic Crowley (Good Omens), Crowley (Good Omens) has ADHD, Crowley (Good Omens) is Photosensitive, Crowley Has Chronic Pain (Good Omens), Disability, Existing as a disabled person is hard, Gen, Gonna be honest this was supposed to be something else, Introspection, Just kind of depressing really, No Dialogue, it's just 600 words of being judged by abled people, sorry - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-25
Updated: 2020-02-25
Packaged: 2021-02-28 07:34:50
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 610
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22890052
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RhianthiAlritak/pseuds/RhianthiAlritak
Summary: His heart breaks, just a little bit.
Relationships: Aziraphale/Crowley (Good Omens), implied
Comments: 6
Kudos: 110





	Maybe That's Why

**Author's Note:**

> This was supposed to be the intro to a little fluff fic where I needed to establish some stuff but it just turned into thoughts involving ableism. So I guess have fun? (it's not a fun fic)

He doesn’t worry so much about hiding his hiss around Aziraphale. He still worries of course, is still acutely conscious of it, still tempted to clap his hand over his mouth when it does slip out. But he worries less, doesn’t start his sentences over. It’s a difficult thing to hide. It takes a constant focused concentration that he struggles to maintain when he’s wound too tightly or not tightly enough. It slips out around Aziraphale and Aziraphale doesn’t say anything about it, doesn’t laugh, doesn’t give him a look of any sort aside from his usual fond smile. He can just relax and not worry about that part of his serpentine nature. Not worry about looking and sounding as human as possible.

There’s a lot of things he doesn’t have to worry about around Aziraphale. He doesn’t have to worry about using his cane on good days or his crutches on bad ones. He doesn’t have to worry about his eyes or the scales that trail up his spine and onto his shoulders. He doesn’t have to worry about his hiss. And he doesn’t have to worry about sitting still. And honestly, humans seem to take issue with his constant moving and his access tools more than anything else. In recent years they’ve taken to brushing off his eyes as ‘neat contacts’. Brushing off his scales as elaborate but ultimately mundane tattoos. They’ve never been able to brush off his tools. Covering his eyes with dark glasses? Inherently suspicious or rude, they claim. Using a cane? Or crutches? Or needing to take the accessible seat on the bus? Surely, he’s too young for that. Surely his cane is a fashion piece. There’s no way he actually _needs_ it. And even if he didn’t, even if he could just set it all aside, no cane, no crutches, no pain, no photosensitivity, or bend to his spine, they would still stare, because humans have a thing about people who move too much. He can’t help it. If he sits still, he can’t think. He starts to feel trapped in his own skin. So, there’s always a slight sway to him, a shuffling from foot to foot, a twisting and rocking and fidgeting.

It’s another thing he’s gotten comments on. But not from Aziraphale. Because in a slightly different way, Aziraphale does it too. He knows Aziraphale does it too. He knows Aziraphale knows he does it, because he sees the way the angel tries to stifle his movements in public. The way he seems _ashamed_ of them. And perhaps it’s a bit hypocritical of Crowley, given how he feels about his own, but he more than anything wants to destroy the livelihood of each and every person who’s ever made his angel feel like his methods of expression are worthy of shame.

And maybe that’s why, when Aziraphale offers to let the neighbor see his private collection and she keeps her hands still, when she asks if he’s a snake and then tries to hide her excitement when he decides to be honest and answer in the affirmative, his heart breaks just a little.

It isn’t that he’s unaware of how humans treat people who are different from them. He’s been around since the beginning. He’s well aware of the crueler parts of humanity. Well aware of both the best and worst of what they’ve done. It’s just that this particular example hits a little too close to home.

Humans for all their cleverness and ingenuity, are better at breaking other humans into tiny fragmented pieces than any demon could ever hope to be.

Some days, he worries they’ll never change.


End file.
